If you complain that; “My son doesn’t care about me”, then you are one of those thousands of parents who have a disconnection with their son.
Parents always have an enormous love for their children, no matter sons or daughters, and so does the children as well.
That’s the widely observed pattern in the world.
However, in some cases, there are some imbalances between how two of these see each other and this carelessness is one of those imbalances.
Some very common signs of a son not caring about his parents can be; not talking to them for a long time, visiting them very less, not valuing their presence anywhere, etc.
If these are the cases with you chances are that there have been developed an emotional gap between you and your son.
There can be multiple factors contributing to this behavior, let’s have a look at those.
Possible Reasons for Your Son not to Care about You
You were careless towards your own Parents
From a very early age, children start learning by observing their surroundings, which initially are their parents only.
It’s simple; whatever they hear you saying they start saying it, whatever they see you do they start doing it.
If your son has been seeing you being ignorant towards your own parents, it would’ve had a direct and serious impact on him to carry the same behavior with you.
Ask yourself, have you been a good example for your son to follow and be like in this regard? If the answer is ‘No’ it’s a consequence of that.
You carried negligent parenting on him
Most of the behaviors which come out as a child grows older are actually the results of how you treated them earlier.
The first five years are the foundational years of parenting which develops his social and emotional skills.
Thus one reason for your son to be careless towards you can be your negligence towards him in his early years of development.
This simply means you weren’t taking care of him as he was growing older.
And don’t confuse it with being totally careless towards your child, you could’ve been practicing uninvolved parenting partially.
It means little things like you weren’t seeing him off to school mostly or you two didn’t have much TV time together etc.
It is the case, it means your influence has been left on it subconsciously and you’ve somewhere lagged behind in developing his emotions.
You didn’t spare time for him out of other children.
One emotion which children develop really fast is ‘envy’. You can recognize them being envious even in the toddler years.
Think for a while if you’ve been giving more of your time to other children and not your son?
For parents, it’s a responsibility to keep all children close to them and have equality in the amount of time spent with each.
If you feel like you had less time spared for your son and were mostly busy with other children, chances are it made him feel worthless.
And he lost his emotional attachment with you overtime.
Most of his fun time was alone OR with siblings.
Have you noticed any pattern in your son while he was growing up? Was he always being into himself, or was connected more with the siblings than you as Parents?
If the answer is yes, it means your son always had the fun time with either himself alone, his friends or his siblings but you’ve been missing throughout.
There are several factors that highlight the importance of having a fun time with all your family.
Having some happier time together contributes a very strong bonding among relationships.
Along with it, you create memories that keep your bonding and love alive for the rest of your lives.
Thus missing this significant part in his life, he’s not feeling an emotional attraction towards you which should’ve been natural.
May be Your Partner played a role?
You as one parent is only doing half of the part, the other half is in control of your spouse.
Now, this comes down to an individual analysis and drawing conclusions to where it went wrong.
For example, things like;
- You and your spouse had heated arguments very often
- You have a narcissist partner
- Your partner is careless your child attained his habit towards you, etc.
There are so many variables to this. And this can go the other way as well.
For example, if your spouse dealt with your son a little softly and you didn’t, your son would surely tilt towards your spouse while you may slowly lose your value.
How to Change Your Son’s Careless Behavior Towards You?
Although parenting in a child is crucial and is believed to be a foundation of your parenting, it’s still not late to inquire and find out the root of the problem and fix it.
So If you object saying; my son doesn’t care about me, here’s exactly what you should do as Parents.
Analyze his lifestyle as Parents
If your son’s carelessness towards you took off recently, one variable can be the pressure of his own life.
It can be the case that he has been grabbed into responsibilities, workload or relationship problems whose frustration is keeping him away from you.
No one is more aware of a person than his own parents because parents are the one who shapes his personality.
Thus you can always find out if your son’s life is being hard to him if there’s anything unusual happening to his life if he’s going through something etc.
You can analyze and make a conclusion by just paying attention to what’s keeping his mind busy these days.
These issues can gradually unstable a person from his normal behavior and others may not even notice at first, leading towards many consequences like relationships getting damaged.
Sit with him Inquire about the issue
The easiest way of finding why your son doesn’t care about you is to sit and ask him directly.
Talking can be the most powerful form of communication and solving problems. This doesn’t have to be like a scheduled “talk”.
However, it may not also be as casual otherwise your son may not actually take it that seriously.
One good practice of going for it is to start by asking about his personal life and circumstances first.
For example, you can simply ask questions like;
- How’re your classes these days?
- Is there anything you’re stressed about?
- Is everything okay? Etc.
Based on the answers you can choose go a little specific asking;
- Have I not been a good Parent to you
- Haven’t I played my role as a Mother/Father to the extent I should have? Etc.
Your son will either say, Yes or No. Either way inquires him further to the root cause asking him;
- Why do I feel like I am worthless to you?
- Why do I feel like my son doesn’t care about me? Etc.
Now you’d start getting some specific answers to your query and he can tell you if there’s anything which is keeping an emotional gap in your way.
Just like we said while discussing the possible reasons for this behavior, it can depend on your individual circumstances and how your family is shaped.
Thus it’s important you get in touch with your son directly first.
Care for him even more
Although parents usually are full of love for their children, they are human beings as well.
Seeing continuous unpleasant behavior from their children can influence their behavior towards them as well.
Thus if even if you feel like your son isn’t caring about you, make sure you don’t give up on him.
Instead, show him that you care for him and will continue to do so no matter what. Feelings and care are what kills numbness and carelessness.
Your response towards a behavior like this, especially when it’s coming from a grown son of yours, shouldn’t be hot temper.
This simply means you do him favors, be concerned about his health, genuinely show him love, these ways of showing compassion comes naturally to Parents.
Your child would feel the guilt of not doing anything for you and hopefully will ignite his feelings.
Your acts of kindness and care for your son will ultimately play its role. You replicating your son’s behavior to him as a counter step will only make it worse.
Harsh parenting can have consequences far beyond imagination, thus it shouldn’t be considered an option.
Rethink the level of conversations you have
It’s believed that the more you talk to someone the deeper your bound goes.
If you feel in your daily routine you and your son haven’t been talking much, then it’s also an issue of limited communication.
You need to have more conversations with your son, where you talk to him having some time alone. It’d help to build a contextual value to your relationship.
With your children grow up they tend to have their separate lives, they live separate from you or even have their own family to look after. This enhances the value of communication even more.
The lack of communication can lead to having a big emotional gap between you and your son.
This could ultimately lead to him not having feelings for you and showing a careless behavior to you.
It’s important for you not to turn this conversation into a lecture. The key here is to listen more than you speak.
Have no agenda while you speak and talk about anything you or your son has in mind. You don’t need to console him regularly to get him to care for you.
Continuous interaction with your son will gradually do the job on its own and you’ll start feeling the closeness to your son automatically overtime.
Have enough Family Fun time together
Parents slowly lose interaction with their children as they grow older.
Again this can act as a huge factor when it comes to keeping the emotions alive. You as Parents always need to allocate some time for your son.
This means taking some part of your day out especially so you two could spend some time together.
There’s no ideal amount of time for this but one good tip is to make sure you two are having some fun time together.
No matter what age your son is, even if he’s adult now, uninvolving him into the family fun time will always help.
It’s been proven that the fun time spent with families actually strengthens your relationships.
The same goes for your son. Having a game of chess, going out for a picnic someday or any occasion you could gather on and have some good time, shouldn’t be missed.
It’s important to remember that you define the fun time yourself. It can be anything you two enjoy doing, even if you feel like there’s nothing like that, there always is.
It would even help you if there are any grudges between you two helping you reconnect deeply.
Important Things to Understand
First of all, even if your parenting has somewhere played a role in your son’s carelessness towards you, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be charged now.
Neither should it be hard. Depending on how bad his behavior is being, it would take him some time to fully fill that emotional gap.
Secondly, you as parents need to understand; in a scenario like this is that if your son is showing some outraged behavior it doesn’t mean he hates you.
It’s just a temporary feeling his mind is reacting to and would be gone easily if you take the above-mentioned steps – Yes it’s that simple.
This all would happen as said but consistency is the key. You can’t give up on your efforts or your son too easily.
You have to follow the above-mentioned pattern consistently for a specific amount of time.
Eventually, you’ll it happening and your son who doesn’t care about you will develop his feelings for you and would start caring.